There have been two well publicized giant Great White sightings over the past week, one in Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts and another in a lake north of Sydney, Australia--unfortunately they were both just the ravings of two crude, old, and probably drunken men.

On Thursday morning, 60-year-old Michael Lopenzo reported seeing two 22-foot-long Great White sharks lurking off Martha's Vineyard--the same beach that Spielberg shot Jaws. Predictably, this caused quite the panic. Michael Lopenzo, was arrested this morning for disturbing the peace because he was so full of shit. Allegedly, Lopenzo told police that he spotted the Sharks from a fishing boat named Alicia Li which was owned John Kennedy. There is no such boat, and lying about John Kennedy in Martha's Vineyard is a sure fire way to take a wicked pissah of an ass kicking. Lopenzo also gave his address at a homeless shelter.
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This story is even worse: On Wednesday, a fisherman reported catching a 21-foot Great White in a net. He said he cut it loose because his boat was only 18 feet long. The funny thing about this fish story is that the Shark was supposedly sighted in Tuggerah Lake, which is a small brackish water lagoon, with a very small ocean access. Police have declined to identify the fisherman because he is very old and weird and has a natural distrust of the media. It is also probably because he is full of shit. In all likelihood, he caught a Bull Shark in his net, if anything at all, because Bull Sharks regularly wander into brackish and fresh water. Bull Sharks very rarely get longer than 10 feet though.
[source]

Summer just seems to be full of fish tales and bad Shark craziness. When will it end?

Never we hope.

--Sharky

technorati tags: Sharks, Great White Shark, fish tales, Australia, John Kennedy, Martha's Vineyard, Bull Sharks, Tuggerah Lake

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Jennifer Cation was jammed on the leg on Friday morning while wading in chest-deep water off Fernandina Beach, Florida.

Fernandina Beach Fire Rescue Deputy Chief Jeffrey Bunch:

“(She was) in between waves in about chest-deep water when something came up and bit her leg right above her ankle,” Bunch said. “It was pretty severe, (the bite) appeared to be to the bone.”

[source]

The beach was never closed--sweet! There is also no word on the species...hmmmm...Bull Shark?

Since no pictures of the incident have been released we will have to show an unrelated leg jam. We seriously doubt Jennifer's was this bad:

We also doubt that her Shark "incident" was this cool:

Remember, the Shark jams will continue until the bullshit Shark fishing tournaments cease!

--Sharky

technorati tags: , Florida, Fernandina Beach, Sharks, Bull Sharks, Shark bites

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[source]

It took John Vasbinder 40 years of surfing before he got Shark jammed. On June 7, he finally graduated as he was paddling out in Cocoa Beach, Florida. His bite required 45 stitches. Some have said his jammer was a Bull Shark. But it looks like he got off pretty easy for a Bull Shark.

I am predicting that this statistical upswing in Shark incidents will continue until decadent macho Shark tournaments cease in the United States. The 22nd annual Star Island Yacht Club Shark tournament happened last week in Long Island, New York. Twenty four Sharks were hauled in and hoisted aloft for the crowd of drunken spectators to gawk at and smell. The yacht club claims that the tournament is “environmentally sensitive” because they have weight limits. Big deal. Frank Mundus--the king of Shark killing himself--says that out of 12 Sharks caught and released, 10 end up dying do to hook damage to their stomachs. "Environmentally sensitive" indeed. Some of the anti-Shark tournament protesters have received death threats. Classy!

This asshole's Blue Shark murder didn't count because it was under the weight limit. Nice job, cocksucker.

Civilized people showing their support for common sense.

The three species most targeted in these tournaments, Blue Sharks, Mako Sharks, and Thresher Sharks are all threatened.

Read.

--Sharky

technorati tags: Shark fishing, Long Island, New York, Shark Bites, Cocoa Beach, Florida, Fishing Tournaments, Montauk, Frank Mundus, Blue Sharks, Thresher Sharks, Mako Sharks, Bull Sharks

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Unrelated Shark incident

A Shark jammed Juan Rodriques Galvao, a 14-year-old surfer, Wednesday off the coast of northeastern Brazil near Del Cifre Beach. The jam happened in an area that is off limits to bathers and surfers because of its Sharkiness. There have been 52 recorded Shark bites in the the state of Pernambuco since 1992 with 19 fatalities, and there are warning signs posted everywhere. Young Juan received a nice chomp to his left leg but he is expected to recover. There was no official details about the species of Shark, but we are betting Bull Shark. This jam happened just ten days and twenty miles north of a jam that took young Wellington dos Santos's right hand.

Unrelated left leg accident.

Read.

So whose Bull Sharks will be the bulliest this year, Mexico's or Brazil's?

Unrelated accidents can be so yucky,

--Sharky

technorati tags: Sharks, Bull Sharks, Brazil, Pernambuco, Shark Attacks

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The Melbourne Herald Sun is alleging that their is gangs of Bull Sharks "actively hunting humans" off Zihuantanejo, Mexico. The "theory" is that Bull Sharks have developed a taste for human flesh after getting used to eating human corpses dumped by the Mexican Mafia.

Jose Leonardo Castillo, chief shark investigator for Mexico’s National Fishing Institute, said yesterday: “One theory we’re investigating is that a group of sharks have developed a taste for humans.”

Source.

Maybe this is what is eating surfers off Zihuantanejo?

This is only slightly less plausible than the "gang of Bull Sharks theory."

We briefly considered giving this guy a Bushy, but it is just too silly...he gets nothing.

--Sharky

technorati tags: Sharks, Bull Sharks, Mexico, Zombies, Shark Attacks, Zihuantanejo, organized crime

A Shark took the right hand from 14-year-old Wellington dos Santos on Sunday as he swam past a coral reef that serves as a Shark wall, keeping Sharks off Piedade beach near Recife, Brazil. The Shark also took off a nice chunk of his ass. Wellington, minus his hand, is in the hospital in critical condition. This was probably a Bull Shark. 19 people have been killed by Shark parties in Brazil's Pernambuco state over the past 15 years. The waters around Recife are EXTREMELY BULL SHARKY. This was not always the case, but extremely poorly engineered beach development has disrupted Bull Shark populations and fucked up their regular eating patterns. New Smyrna Beach, Florida may be able to boast the most Shark parties, but Recife, Brazil gets the award for the most fatal Shark parties. Most of New Smyrna's Shark parties involve Spinner or Blacktip Sharks who mistake hands and feet for bait fish. On the other hand, Recife's Bull Sharks are a bit more testy. Some of us think that the number of Shark incidents in and around Recife go underreported by Brazilian authorities. We wouldn't want their lucrative tourist trade disrupted would we?

Give him back his hand.

Read.

Hang in there Wellington,

--Sharky

technorati tags: Sharks, Bull Sharks, Recife, Brazil, Pernambuco, Blacktip Sharks, Spinner Sharks, Bruce Campbell, Evil Dead 2

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This is Jackson Shaw, he is a 19-year-old who is lucky enough to have parents that own a home off a canal in Palm Beach on Australia's Gold Coast. He caught what goldcoast.com.au calls a "monster." It was just a 5-foot Bull Shark, get over yourselves.

"Finally, I pulled it on to the jetty and got some photos but I thought it was going to get off because it was so agro. When I got it in, I was just in shock and Dad was gobsmacked. He had been hassling me the worst and he didn't really have much to say after that."

LOL WUT!

Jackson wanted to keep the Shark for a trophy but luckily his mother was a lot smarter than him and made him release it. Thanks Mom, but your son did not inheret your even-mindedness.

Here is one more picture of Saturday's lucky Shark Partier from Mexico--Bruce Grimes. He plans on going back in the water once his arm heals. I hope so as he owns a surf shop close to the party area. Oh, and he did lose this thumb after all. There is video here. He says it was a 9-foot Bull Shark. Told ya so, told ya so!

--Sharky

technorati tags: Sharks, Shark Attacks, Mexico, Australia, surfing, Bull Shark, Australia, Zihuatanejo, Shark Fishing, Gold Coast

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Hi, El Tiburon here. Since there were two Shark bites in Mexico last weekend and I am Mexican, I thought I'd weigh in. What you didn't hear that there were two awesome Shark parties in beaches close to Acapulco last weekend? Now you have.

This is what is left of 49-year-old American Bruce Grimes's hand. He was chomped on Saturday while surfing off Playa Linda Beach. The original report was that he lost his thumb, but this picture seems to reveal that his thumb is still there with the rest of his hand, held together with a hundred stitches.
Read.

This is a picture of Friday's unlucky partier--21-year-old Osvaldo Mata Valdovinos, who was was jammed to death while surfing near Zihuatanejo. Sharky originally said that it was probably a Tiger Shark that took off Osvaldo's hand and broke through the bone on one of his legs that caused him to bleed to death, but new reports say that the Shark was only 6-feet-long. Hmmmm...that might bring the Bull Shark--the usual suspect--into the front running.
Read.

One thing is sure. Unlike the response to the death of Adrian Ruiz in April, the Mexican authorities are taking a more moderate response to the Shark activity. There has yet to be another documented Shark holocaust. Of course American conservative bloggers that shall go unnamed because I don't want to help their google search results, are saying that it was only common sense to kill as many local Sharks as possible whenever there is a Shark incident. Less Sharks = Less Shark attacks, they argue. Under the same logic all Dogs should be slaughtered because they bite people all the time. If we turned this into a blog about Dog bites we would run out of server space in about two days. Oh well, it is easier to slaughter Sharks than it is to deal with the real problem--changing climate patterns that are fucking up the migratory patterns of the natural prey of Sharks and thus fucking up the migratory patterns of Sharks...oh, and the pesky issue of the tragic over-development of the coastline that is fucking up the breeding grounds of Bull Sharks, among other species, and forcing them into contact with people.

Murder! It is so much easier than using your brain.

--El Tiburon

technorati tags: Sharks, Shark Bites, Shark Attacks, Bull Sharks, Tiger Sharks, Mexico, Dogs, Dog Bites, Republicans, Conservatives, Google, blogging, surfing, Zihuatanejo

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Paul van Bruggen took this shot of a 7-to-8-foot Saltwater Crocodile jamming down hard on what looks to be a Bull Shark on the banks of the Daly River in Australia's Northern Territory. Yeah, yeah, that Bull Shark is probably 4 feet long. Let's see Salty tangle with a 20-foot Great White.

Read.

Northern Territory? Wow, what a creative name for a province!

--Sharky

technorati tags: Sharks, Bull Sharks, Crocodiles, Australia, Northern Territory

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