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Sharky's 14 Tips to Avoiding a Shark Attack
- Don't Swim Alone: Nature is like prison, join a gang.
- Don't Bathe in Chum: Resist the urge.
- Don't Swim at Night: Nighttime is the right time.
- Don't Vote Republican: Sharks don't like greedy douchebags with a "pull yourselves up by your bootstraps" mythology.
- Don't Swim in Murky Water: Unless you are at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, them Oompas make delicious water.
- Don't Spearfish Naked: Seriously, we don't need to see that.
- Don't Swim While Bleeding: Actually, you should probably try to avoid bleeding during any activity.
- Don't Swim While Crying Either: It is a sign of weakness.
- Don't Swim While Wearing Shiny Jewelery: Gaudiness will be weeded out of the gene pool.
- Don't Swim in Water Containing Sewage: If you need an explanation on this one, go ahead and swim in the shit.
- Don't Swim With an Uneven Tan: Seriously, have some self respect.
- Don't splash a lot: Nobody move, nobody get hurt.
- Just Because There Are Dolphins Around Doesn't Mean You're Safe: Dolphins won't save you, who told you they would, a leprechaun or a unicorn?
- Don't Swim if Sharks Are Present: Just kidding! Jump on in, the water's fine.
BONUS TIP
Don't Fish For Shark: Murderous Douchebags will be eaten slowly.
Slowly,
--Sharky
technorati tags: Sharks, Shark Attack, Shark Bites, lists, advice, self help, Great White Shark, satire, Tiger Shark, Shark Fishing, Oak Bluffs Monster Shark Tournament, murder, sewage, swimming, surfing, jewelery, bling, tanning, spearfishing, crying, prison, gangs, Dolphins, Unicorns, Leprechauns, jokes, Republicans
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